Fall
by QueenOfQuiet17
Summary: Something I had written about a year ago. Based on the Eric Schaeffer film "Fall," Will and Karen meet by chance in 1997, a year before Karen is to work for Grace, and start an affair.
1. Chapter 1

**1997**

Will

_I have a hard time getting up in the morning. Just the sight of my life was enough to hit the snooze button on the alarm clock enough times to make the new time to get up somewhere around 3:00 PM. I get dressed in a suit that's too tight, ride to work in a cab that has a distinct smell I can't quite figure out, walk into my office, not without being greeted by my secretary, who won't talk to me unless absolutely necessary. I do nothing but play Solitaire on the computer and do paper work for most of the time, unless I'm involved in a case, and won't leave until I take a lunch break or it's finally the end of this monotonous work day._

_If I had known this is what being a lawyer entailed, I would have become an actor or musician, something to get a little more excitement in my life._

_Of course it has to rain today, and there's no cab in sight. Any shred of hope that this day could possibly turn around has been destroyed, but it's typical._

_At least I have Grace and Jack, the only great things in my life, really. Coming home, knowing that she is only a phone call away, knowing that he'll be over in a heartbeat if I ask, that's what keeps me going. They have been amazing, and I can not imagine life without them. I would just like to have one more person in my life. That significant other. Where, when, how I will find them, I have no idea. I don't even know if I'll find them. But I hope I do, and I hope it's soon._

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Will watched as his wallet broke free from the prison of his pocket and slid on the sidewalk over to the bench that was mere inches from him. He went to get it, only to be blocked by a large black umbrella. When his view of the sidewalk was given back to him, the wallet was gone; the owner of the umbrella had taken it. _Figures_, Will thought. The umbrella moved to reveal the face of a gorgeous woman in his mind, delicate features, soft eyes; she looked absolutely stunning with his wallet in hand. It took him a second to finally realize who she was.

"You're Karen Walker," he said. "You're married to Stanley, he owns just about everything. I see you everywhere." He had always had a thing for her. He had always seen her on the local news, on the streets, and he always wanted one chance to be with her. He didn't hold his breath; there was no way someone like her could ever fall for someone like him. But it didn't mean he couldn't try.

She opened up his wallet and took a quick peek at his ID. "You're Will Truman," she said as she handed it back to him. "You're soaking wet, waiting for a taxi. I see you nowhere."

So this is the game she wanted to play. "What if I told you that I was the kind of guy who would travel to all parts of the world—it wouldn't matter where; Paris, Rome, Australia—just to see you smile? I would fly in, come see you, wait until you smile, and then leave."

"I'd say you were delusional." Somehow, that just made him want to try even harder. Something he says has to make her realize that he is better for her than her husband.

"What if I was the kind of guy who, on a whim, just decided to fill your room with one thousand roses?"

She looked at him, eyebrow raised. "Only one thousand?"

"It wouldn't be romantic at all? Has the high-society-socialite world jaded you that much?"

She gave him a half-smile. "Maybe that's it." She looked away just as a black stretch limousine pulled up to the curb. She stood up and began to walk away.

"Wait," he called out. She turned around. "I want to take you to dinner."

"I'm married," she replied, "you know that. I can't." She opened up the door and got inside.

"Just give me a chance," he said as the limo sped off. He was instantly smitten with her. He was not about to give up that easily.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Next Morning**

"I don't want to go to Rome," she said to Stan as he tried to focus on her. She looked just as beautiful waking up as she did any other time of day. Her eyes weren't opened all the way; the sunlight was too much for her to handle at the moment. He propped himself up on his elbow. "Why don't we just stay here?" she asked.

"I hate New York," he said simply. This was certainly news to her.

"Stanley, we live here."

"But we also live in Rome. Come on, you love going to Rome. What's wrong?" She never loved going to Rome. She pretended like she loved it as an attempt to rekindle whatever flame they had unknowingly put out so long ago. Truth be told, she would much rather spend a night in eating takeout, what she used to do before she met him, than going to the most expensive restaurants in the city, the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to. But she wasn't about to confess that to him, not now, not ever.

"Nothing, I just…I'd rather stay here, that's all. If you still want to go, then go." Maybe he would be kind enough to stay with her, to miss this trip. There will be others, what makes this one so special?

He didn't say a word; he just got up, got dressed, and packed. She watched as he seemed to do this so seamlessly, like it didn't even phase him that they would be apart for two months. How did it get to this point? At what moment of their marriage did it feel less like true love and more like merely going through the motions? She drew her knees towards her, resting her chin on them. She closed her eyes as Stan kissed her forehead, and didn't open them until she heard the door slam. With a sigh, she sprawled out on the bed.

She tried to remember the last romantic thing Stan had done for her. The only thing she could think of was the proposal in some exotic location, she couldn't remember which one. Out on the balcony of their hotel room, looking out on the city, she had a glass of champagne in hand. She had been told by Stan not to come in until he came to get her. She felt his arms around her and she turned around, kissing him. He led her into their room, the only light coming from the countless candles he had set around the room, rose petals on the bed. He got down on one knee as she started to tear up.

He hadn't done anything like that for her since then. She wondered why he hadn't done anything like that, why she didn't seem to notice it stopped until just now.

She thought back to yesterday, that chance encounter with Will Truman. How can someone she had never met before the one she can't stop thinking about? Shouldn't it be Stan instead of Will? She had always said she wanted a change; she wanted to feel something other than what she had felt for the last few years; she needed something new.

Maybe Will was her change.

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Karen

_The fact that you know where you're going with no way to get there is scary. What's worse is the fact that you know where you're going, you have a way of getting there, but you have no sense of self when you're there. I love my husband. I know that. But things haven't been the way they used to be. I'm not sure why; I haven't changed, I'm still the girl he fell in love with, and as far as I can tell, he's still the same guy I fell in love with. The spark that was once there, though, it's gone now. And I would give anything to get it back again. I just don't know what else I can do to go about getting it back._

_He was such a beautiful soul when I first met him. He transformed into this shy little boy when he first saw me, and it made me blush. He made me feel like a queen, like his life wasn't complete until he had me in his arms. I hadn't experienced anything like it before, so I fell for it. I immediately said yes when he asked me to marry him. He took me anywhere and everywhere, and he never went thirty minutes without kissing me or telling me he loved me._

_I wish I could get that Stanley back._

_We hardly speak anymore. I try to make conversation; I try to get us back on the path we were taking before. Maybe I should just give up, but for some reason, I want to keep going._

_I wonder if there's someone else out there who can make me feel like I did back then, and who can continue to make me feel that way forever._


	3. Chapter 3

**Later That Night**

The coffee's weak. Will should have gone for the tea, like Grace and Jack have. He would have too, if his mind weren't entirely focused on Karen, causing him to order the first thing he could think of when the waitress finally got his attention. He was trying to pay attention to Grace as she was speaking, but it was no use. He had to see Karen again.

"So, you guys are coming to the Sublime Design competition, right?" she asked. Before Jack could follow the rolling of his eyes with a comment, she continued, "It'd just be really nice to have your support. I really feel like this year is the year I'm going to win." She looked over at Will. He hadn't said anything in quite awhile. "Will, what's up? You're spacing out on us."

Just then, she came into his view. "Oh, my god," he said, looking out the window, rushing out the door.

"Will!" Grace called after him. She looked out the window to see what he was running towards. "Oh, my god, is that Karen Walker?"

Will ran out and caught her before she could get any further. She looked at him with those beautiful eyes that grabbed him the first time they met. She opened up the door of the limo and sent the driver off; she would be walking home. They watched as it drove off into the night.

"You're here," he said with a smile.

She tilted her head slightly. "Why, you must be stalking me."

Somehow, this made him smile wider. "I was just enjoying coffee with friends." He pointed towards the window at a waving Jack and Grace. She waved back and turned her focus back to Will. "If anything," he said, "you're the one stalking me."

"I'm married," she said.

"I know, we touched on that yesterday, remember?"

"He's in Rome." Why did she say this? "But even if he wasn't," she continued, trying to undo any damage, "there still wouldn't be anything between us."

"So I'll just be the one sitting off to the side, patiently, as you go off with Stan on luxurious vacations, wandering from one high society party to another, waiting for you to fall in love with me." He looked at her. "So, why are you here, Karen?"

"Mere coincidence, Will. I had no idea you would be here."

"I know things are far from perfect in the Walker home. It may not be in the tabloids, I may not have read it anywhere, but I know it's true."

"Really?" she asked, incredulous. "And how, may I ask, do you know that?" She had her hand in the air, trying to hail a cab.

He held her face in his hands, so he could be sure he had her full attention. "Because when you realized that it was me trying to stop you from leaving tonight, your face lit up more than I could ever imagine."

She was speechless. She stood still until the cab came. He saw her off. "I'll see you later," he said.

"There will not be a later, Will."

"Oh, trust me. There will definitely be a later." He watched the road until he couldn't see her taxi any longer, and walked back inside to Jack and Grace.

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Karen

_Stan. He loves me; he's given me a wonderful life, a life that, before meeting him, I only dreamed about. He leaves me here to go to Rome, he leaves me alone. He probably won't call when he lands, although he knows that I like it when he does. He never calls when he lands._

_Will. He loves me, although I just met him yesterday. He could fill this hole in my life I've been trying to fill for so long. He wouldn't leave me just to go to Rome. He would never leave me alone. Even if he did, he would call when he lands, I just know it._

_Maybe I should take him up on his dinner offer._


	4. Chapter 4

**The Next Day**

"So, I want to know exactly how you came to meet your little socialite delight," Grace said as she took a seat on Will's desk. She knew he hated it when she sat there, but she also knew he wouldn't say anything to her about it; he lived for the days where she and Jack would surprise him with lunch, and he wouldn't say anything to spark some sort of confrontation. Jack was seated on the windowsill, nodding; he was extremely interested in Will's story.

"It was nothing. Two days ago, I dropped my wallet, she picked it up, we started talking. That's it." Grace gave him a look. "What?" Will asked.

"I think the point she's trying to get across here," Jack said, rising from his seat and walking towards Will, "is that you have a better chance in hell than you do forming a relationship with Karen Walker."

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Grace agreed. "Look, Will, you two are from very different worlds. She's not going to abandon her current lifestyle just for the possibility of a long term relationship with someone who is unable to give her all the things she's used to getting."

"And it's not like she's going to do something to screw up her marriage," Jack added. "Come on, she's set for life! She's famous just because her husband is Stanley Walker. She gets everything her heart desires. What more can someone ask for?"

"Look, even if you did start a relationship with her, she seems like the kind of person who could just turn you away without mercy. And I'd hate to see someone do that to you, Will."

Will looked from Grace to Jack, not believing what he was hearing. "Thanks for the support," he said. A little sarcasm never hurt anyone. "I know that I've got everything going against me, okay? But when she looks at me…it's just the best feeling. I'm not going to give up. I need to be with her. She's everything my life is missing."

Up until this point, Grace had thought that he was joking, that he couldn't be serious about Karen. He had only seen her in pictures, he had only caught quick glimpses of her on the street, arm in arm with Stan. There was no way he could have fallen. He didn't know her personality, he just knew that she was a local celebrity. But when Grace looked into Will's eyes after everything he just said, she knew that this was no joke. She made her way to Will's side of the desk to hug him. "I had no idea," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"If I don't try," he said, "I'm going to be spending the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I did."

"I want this for you, you know that. Just…just don't get your hopes up, okay?"

Will looked at her. "I can't promise that." He shook his head. "Look, I don't have her number, her address, anything. I probably won't see her again, so we can just drop the whole subject."

"Somehow, I don't think we can," Grace replied.

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Will

_There are so many people in New York City. They come to realize their dreams, to live their fantasies, to get away from family, to soak up the culture. They stay for days, weeks, months, years, lifetimes. Every day, you're able to meet someone new, someone you've never seen before and probably wouldn't have the chance to meet if you weren't in this city. They could be cold, heartless, bitter. Or they could be that one person who can make you feel something you've never experienced. And you never want to let that go. No matter what may come along in life to make things difficult, that grip they have on you is the one constant, that one thing you are able to take comfort in. And you would never trade that for anything._

_For some reason, be it fate or some higher power at work here, Karen Walker is that one person for me._

_There are so many people in New York City. So, out of all of the people I could have met that day, that could have been behind that umbrella with my wallet in her hand, why did it have to be her? I can't answer this question, and probably will never be able to, but I do know this: I will do everything in my power to make her realize that I am that one person for her._


	5. Chapter 5

**Later That Day**

Will

_Somehow, I don't think we can. What did Grace mean by that? There would be no way of ever getting in contact with Karen. I have no idea where she lived; we never exchanged phone numbers. Unless we run into each other on the street again, I wouldn't see her. I should never have gone into work that day, I should never have even gotten out of bed. That way, I would be able to continue admiring her in pictures like I always have. It was talking to her, looking into her eyes, getting proof that she wasn't just someone in my dreams, that got me to the point of thinking about her constantly._

_I am so screwed._

_I can tell she's a broken soul. Just in the way she carries herself, the state she was in when I saw her, let me know. I wonder how she grew to live that way. You would think having the city wrapped around your finger would be the best thing. I guess it gets boring after awhile. I would love to be the one to shake things up a little for her. I don't even know if she would go for me._

_I wonder if it would make a difference if I was as powerful as Stan is. I wonder if that's what she looks for in a man. But I know she's not satisfied with life right now. So maybe I'm just the kind of person to satisfy it._

_The question is, how can I get her to see that?_

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Will walked out of his office, shielding his eyes from the blinding sun. He wasn't prepared for such a dramatic change in the weather. When he finally got used to how bright it was, he took his hand away from his eyes and used it to try to hail a cab. As one slowed to a stop, he found Karen across the street.

He looked towards the sky. Someone up there must like me, he thought.

He returned his focus to Karen. "So, does this count as our later?" he called out. She whipped her head to see him. He couldn't quite make it out, but he could swear he saw her smile.

He opened the cab door. "Do you want to get in?"

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Karen

_Well, well, well. Looks like my wish came true. I get another chance to be with him. I just hope I don't screw up this time. Why I didn't let him know I had fallen immediately, I have no idea. Please don't let me say anything stupid. Please let me come off as sweet and sensitive. Please let him like me as much as I like him._

_I told him there wouldn't be a later. But I never gave up hope that there would be one. Maybe somebody heard my cries, my tearful prayers to bring him back into my life. I've only seen him twice, but I know for a fact that there is no way I ever want to lose him._

_How can I feel this way so quickly?_

_I want to run across this street, not caring about what sort of traffic may be coming either way. I want to run into his arms, and I want him to hold me. I want him to kiss me just like I wanted him to that night he had my face in his hands, trying to get me to stay. I want to feel alive._

_I walk over to the cab at the sound of his voice. Oh, his sweet voice. It lingers when he's not there, it keeps me company during these lonely nights. But I don't want just his voice. I want him. He's the one who should be keeping me company. Is that so much to ask? Is that being greedy, selfish?_

_When I should be thinking of Stan, I think of Will. There must be something wrong with me; I'm supposed to be feeling this way about my husband, not some random guy I meet on the street._

_Right?_

"Do you want to get in?"

_I have no idea where he'll take me, but at this point, I don't care. I got another chance with him. There is no way I'm going to blow it._

"Yes."

_Take me where you want to go, Will. I am under your spell._


	6. Chapter 6

**Will's Apartment**

"What made you say yes?" he asked as he opened the door for her. The cab ride over was ruled by silence, neither one of them wanting to say or do something to ruin everything. It was for the best, Will figured. It gave him more time to study her features: the way her hair framed her face, the slight laugh lines he noticed but wouldn't dare bring attention to. He took her coat and made his way to the fridge to get her something to drink.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"You didn't give me a hard time, like those last two encounters. What made this one so different?"

"I wanted to give you your later," she said with a smile. She kept wondering why she continued to use this mask. She wanted to come out with everything: how he was right on with her relationship with Stan, how she could think of nothing but the day in the rain, the night outside of the café. She wanted to know if this was on his mind as well. She walked over to him until she was not even an inch away from him, until she could feel his body heat. She slipped him a piece of paper, complete with her phone number.

When she felt his lips against hers, she knew she had done the right thing.

Up against the refrigerator, Karen was powerless. She could feel his fingers through her hair as she put a palm to his cheek, sliding it down to his shoulder, trying to prove to herself that this was, in fact, real.

"Will," she whispered in that rare moment that they pulled away. He kissed her again, for fear of Karen saying that she had to leave, or she was having second thoughts.

He could feel her relax against him, and he knew that this is what she wanted. As soon as he pulled away again, Karen's cell phone began to ring. Stan. She picked it up and began to tell him all the things that Will wanted to be told. I miss you. I love you. I wish you were here. He grabbed his jacket, walked out of the apartment and began making his way down the sidewalk, telling himself it was only to give her privacy, knowing that it was merely because he couldn't take her acting devoted to another man.

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Karen

_The only one who could ever make me feel the way Will makes me feel was the one I first kissed. I don't remember his name anymore. But what I do remember is this: When he kissed me, he erased all of my troubles, everything my mind was plagued with at the moment. His kiss made me want to live. And I always knew that when I was with him, I would be safe, taken care of, loved unconditionally. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world, that what I said, did or thought actually mattered. I don't remember what he looks like, how long I was his, but I remember all of the things that were most important to me then._

_I hated myself for letting him go, and I didn't think I would ever get the opportunity to feel that way again._

_I thought Stan made me feel this way. Maybe I had only tricked myself into thinking this. I do love him; he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the one I wanted to start a family with. I have no intention of leaving him, but at the same time, I feel that it's inevitable._

_I don't know what to do._

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Will

_I've been trying to keep the taste of her on my lips. If this were to be my last day on Earth, I would die a very happy man. Of course the thought crossed my mind that maybe my infatuation only goes skin deep. I don't really know anything about her personality, I don't know what makes her upset, who she turns to when she needs someone to talk to. I don't know any of that._

_What I do know is that when she is in my arms, I never want to let her go. I know that as long as I have her, I need nothing else. I know that, despite the fact that we've used none of the time we've shared to actually get to know each other, this is the woman I want to spend my life with._

_Stan comes back in two months. And this scares me, solely because I will have no idea if I have made enough of an impact on her to make her choose me._

_I need her to choose me._

_I will be nothing if she chooses him._


	7. Chapter 7

**The Next Day**

Grace walked in Will's office to find him growing more and more frustrated on the phone, while Jack was enjoying this new form of entertainment. She pulled a chair up next to Jack, becoming another spectator. "What's he doing?" she whispered.

"He's checking his messages every five seconds to see if she called," Jack replied, starting to laugh a little.

Will hung up the phone as Grace made her way over to him to try to give him comfort. "She came over yesterday," he said. "I kissed her, and then Stan called her on her cell phone. I left when she started talking to him." He took comfort in Grace's embrace. "The thing that kills me is the fact that she can go from being completely devoted to me, to being completely devoted to Stan in just a second."

"Well, look, you're off work in about three minutes anyway," Grace said, "let's go get you a drink."

"Let me just check my messages once more." Will picked up the phone, hoping that he will hear that one voice that he can not live without. There was a message.

"What if I was the kind of girl who would travel to all parts of the world—it wouldn't matter where; Paris, Rome, Australia—just to see you smile? I would fly in, come see you, wait until you smile, and then leave?"

A smile broke across Will's face.

"She called," Grace declared.

"Yeah," Will replied as he ran out the door to meet her.

In minutes, he was knocking on her door. He took her in his arms and kissed her as soon as he saw her. In the rare moments that she was able to speak, Karen whispered, "So I take it you got my message." He pulled away to smile at her. He seemed like he was about to say something, but she put her fingertip to his lips. "Shhh…" she said. She took him by the hand, led him to the bedroom and shut the door behind them.

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Will

_When you look at me, it's all I can do to keep from confessing everything. I know your heart is supposed to belong to him. And as much as I want to respect that, I want to just say what I've wanted to since I first saw you._

_I love you, Karen._

_I don't know if you feel the same way._

_But I hope you do._

_And if the day comes where I finally tell you I love you, I hope you feel the same way._

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Karen

_I thought I had found the one all those years back. He seemed like the one, and I made myself believe that he was._

_Oh, how very wrong I was._

_Never did I think I could be able to experience anything quite like this. This is everything I have been dreaming about. I love you. I love you so much._

_But I can not tell you this._

_If I tell you this, it becomes real. And when it becomes real, I have to deal with the fact that I am still supposed to be faithful to another man. And I do not want to face that._

_But I hope you know how much I love you._


	8. Chapter 8

They fell asleep in each other's arms afterwards. He could feel her arm across his chest as he kissed the crown of her head before closing his eyes. When he woke up, she was missing, and he was convinced that everything he had just experienced was just a dream. He was in a bed that was not his, in a room that wasn't his own, on a street he didn't live on, but all that happened before he shut his eyes had to be a dream. Something that sweet never happens in real life. Will walked out of the room and found Karen sitting on her sofa, waiting for him to wake up. She turned her head at the sound of the bedroom door opening. God, she looked beautiful with her hair down.

"You know I won't leave him," she said as he took as seat next to her.

"Before you make that decision, let's just go through all the options we have," he replied. She started to laugh, until she saw that he was serious. "Okay, plan 'A' would be you leaving Stan, and we can be together whenever we want with no worries."

"Will…"

"Let me go through all the options, and you pick the best one. Plan 'B': You don't leave Stan, and we have one amazing affair. Plan 'C' has a few parts: 'C-a' is the fact that it was perfect, but you don't want to do this again and we stay friends. 'C-b' would be the same, but we couldn't stay friends because there's such a spark between us. 'C-c': for some odd reason, I don't want this to happen again. But that would never happen, so we can just throw that one out. Now, 'C-d" would be where you would say that you don't want it to happen again, but it will anyway. Pick your favorite."

"I like plan 'C'," she replied. "The 'C-a' one, I think."

"I hate 'C-a.' I don't want to go with 'C-a.'"

"Well, which one do you want to go with?"

"The one where we keep doing what just happened in there," he said, pointing to the bedroom door with a smirk on his face. She laughed as she leaned in to kiss him. "Just give it some thought," he said.

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Karen

_How wonderful it is to be in your arms. I never want you to let me go, but at the same time we both know that it will end sooner or later. I know that's not what you want to hear, and it certainly isn't something I want to be saying, but we both know that it is true. When Stan comes home, everything needs to go back to the way it was. I need to be the devoted wife that he comes home to. You need to continue living your life like you did before we met. We both need to pretend that we didn't meet in the rain, that your wallet didn't fall at my feet, that we haven't experienced the best time of our lives._

_I know it's hard, but can you come up with another option?_

_What am I saying? Of course you can come up with other options. You gave me three; one of those options had four parts to it. But they're not realistic, at least in my opinion. When it comes right down to it, we are from two different worlds._

_The thing is, this is what attracts me to you._

_You're living the life I had before I met Stan. I loved my life before I met Stan. Everything is so predictable now; parties, extravagant dinners, trips around the world. But this, what we have together, this has been the most unpredictable thing in an otherwise predictably boring life._

_And I love it._

_I love you._

_I wish I could say this to you out loud, instead of just thinking it._


	9. Chapter 9

_Note: A poem from the film "Fall" is used in the beginning of the chapter._

**The Next Day**

Karen was seated on Will's couch, waiting for him to finish getting ready. He slipped a poem he wrote for her under her front door when he knew she was still sleeping. She spent the day studying his handwriting, the way he curved his "y"s, his "g"s, tracing the letters with her fingertip. She read it once more:

_Candle light  
__Steel blue-gray clouds  
__Over small lights  
__Sweet balance and snowflakes  
__On the steps waiting  
__Like me  
__For you to fall._

She jumped at the sound of his bedroom door and turned her head to see him. "You ready to go?" he asked.

"How did you learn to write like this?" she asked, holding up the poem.

"Come on, if we don't leave now, we'll be late."

"So you're not going to answer my question?" He said nothing; he kissed her to try to make her forget about her question. It seemed to work; she dropped the subject. He wasn't ready to share that part of his life with her; she had grown accustomed to who he is now, not who he was back then, and for now, it must stay this way.

"Grace, don't be so upset, okay? Those judges didn't know what they were talking about," Will tried to console as they were walking home with Jack and Karen from the Sublime Design competition.

"Seriously, honey, I loved your design," Karen said. "You can decorate my place anytime."

"Lord knows it needs redecorating," Will joked, resulting in a laugh from the group. When they reached Grace's building, Jack and Karen stepped back so she could have a moment alone with Will. "So?" he asked her.

"I love her. She's great; she's smart, funny, and she seems like she's crazy about you. Did you give her the poem?"

"Yeah. She loved it." He looked at Grace. "Look, I know that this will probably all be over when Stan comes home, but let me have my fun. I just want to enjoy it while it lasts. Right now, she's everything to me."

"Why, Will Truman, I do believe you've fallen," she replied with a smile.

He didn't deny it. "Yeah…and it feels great." He kissed her goodnight then walked over to Karen, linking his arm with hers.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Will

_I'll write to you the things I can not say. I'll write about how you're just dying to fall, but you know you can't, and that's the only thing that's holding you back. I know how much you hate it when I bring that up. But whenever I write it down, whenever I take the time to find the right words so it makes it look like I'm not really saying these things, you love it._

_I will continue to be the person you have come to know and, hopefully, love. You don't need to know about my past; there is no need to dwell on that. No matter what happened in my past, I was nothing until I met you. Know that._

_I will write to you the things I can not say. But I will not write the one thing I've been dying to tell you, because when you leave me, and I know you will despite my hope, I do not want to feel worse than I already know I will when you tell me goodbye._

_I will write to you the things I can not say._

_But I will never write, I will never say, I love you._


	10. Chapter 10

**Karen's Home**

"They hated me, didn't they? They know I have a lot of money, they have me pegged as one of those high society snobs, and they couldn't see who I really am. It's okay, honey, I get that a lot."

"Yes, they hated you. You irritated them, and if I don't stop seeing you, I'm pretty sure that I will be ostracized from the group."

"Seriously?"

"No, of course not. They loved you; they thought you were smart, funny, and they can't wait to see you again."

"You jerk!" she said with a laugh. "I seriously thought you were going to lose them if you kept seeing me."

"Even if I was, I would still see you." He kissed her and let silence take over for a moment.

"So, are you ever going to answer my question?" she asked.

"Which question?"

"The one about your writing. How did you learn to write like that? I loved it." Just then, the phone rang. Stan. The only time Will was actually thankful that Karen still had him in her life. She went to pick it up, and when he heard her saying those sweet things to Stan that she had just got done saying to him, he immediately wanted to be anywhere but here. When she returned, he stood up.

"I'm going to get going," he announced.

"What? Why? You just got here."

"I'm just really tired; it's best if I go." He made his way towards the door.

"This is plan 'C-c,' isn't it?" This made him turn around. "You know, the one where you don't want this to happen."

"That's not it at all, Karen. I would love nothing more than to spend the night with you."

"Then why won't you?"

"How can I stay here after you just got done telling your husband all the things that you were telling me?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Will

_Do you know how much I would love to wake up with you in the morning? How much I would love to feel your warmth against me, to watch as you slowly come back to life? You would tell me your dreams, your voice still weak with sleep. I could stay there all day, if I had the chance._

_It killed me to walk out your door._

_I'm sorry._

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

The Next Day

"I'm so sorry; you don't know how much I wanted to stay, I just couldn't," he said on the phone.

"It's okay, I understand."

"Look, let me make it up to you. Come over."

"When?"

"Whenever. I just want to see you again. And prove to you that we are not using plan 'C-c' here."

She laughed. "I'll be over soon," she replied and hung up the phone.


	11. Chapter 11

Karen

_God, it's been so long since I've done this, sitting on the floor in front of the television, cartons of Chinese food surrounding us. Stan never thought it proper to do something like this; we were better than this, we could go to the most expensive restaurants in New York. But the truth is, I would pick egg rolls and Lo Mein noodles with you over any of New York's finest restaurants any day._

_This is the life I want, the life I had before I met Stan, before I became famous for being Mrs. Walker. I was able to do anything I wanted without anyone watching my every move, waiting to see when I would screw up. I want a life with you. I want Chinese food at 11 PM, I want you to kiss me whenever you want to, I want to be in your arms while the glow of the television highlights your features. I want you to keep writing me poetry._

_I want you to tell me you love me._

_I know that this would be a long shot; you would never do this as long as I was still married. But I know you do. You don't have to say it; I can feel it. And I know I'm not wrong. Sometimes with Stan, he says it, but I can never tell if he actually means it; that's how bad the relationship has gotten between us. But with you, I know._

_I could go my entire life without hearing you say that you love me, and I would still know it._

_You are always so sweet to me. I know that you're low on cash, that you're trying to get your practice up and running, but you still insist on paying for dinner. I've offered to pick up the check on more than one occasion. This is what I love about you; you don't care about money, you care about the person behind it._

_You care about me. I couldn't tell you the last time I felt Stan cared about me._

_How incredibly sweet you are when you ask me to make love. You've never asked before, and we proceeded to do it. It almost makes me laugh that you actually just asked me for permission._

_Of course I say yes. You take me to another world when you take me to the bedroom._

_I long for the moments after, when we've wrapped ourselves in your sheets and we lay in silence. Nothing needs to be said; with Stan, I would have been fumbling for something to speak about, to break the awkwardness. It's just not there with him anymore. I don't know if it was even there with him to begin with, but for some reason I tricked myself into thinking he was the one._

_Thank you for making me realize that this is not true._

_But while I go on about how much I love you, it breaks my heart to know that I could never leave Stan. We have been through so much, and while I know I would be so happy if I gave you all of me, I don't want to give up on my marriage so easily._

_And I wish I could. You don't know how I wish I could._

_I cry every night you're not with me; you don't think that's devotion? I miss your touch on my skin, your voice filling the room, your lips against mine as we surrender to our desires. I know you can hear my voice crack whenever you call at night. I'm thankful that you've never asked why I sound like that. I would have to explain everything to you, and the tears would return, not because I miss you, but because I still have Stan in my life. That is my reality, although I would love nothing more than for my reality to what we're living right now._

_Chinese food on hardwood floors, the room being lit by nothing but the television screen._

_This is what I want._

_This is what I need._

_You understand, when Stan never could. I bury my face into your chest as I feel your arms wrap around me, the only sound being the sheets as you move. You've given me all I've ever wanted in the course of a few weeks. I don't know how you've managed that, but I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world._

_You don't know what you do to me._


	12. Chapter 12

She looked up at him, not wanting to ruin the moment, but she knew she had to tell him sooner or later. He took her hand and kissed her. When he pulled away, she said softly, "I'm going to Spain." He was silent. "I'll be in Barcelona for the weekend, and then I have to meet Stan over in Madrid." She shouldn't have said his name, not in a moment like this. "I can't get out of it; it was planned before we met."

"When do you leave?" he asked.

"Tomorrow. I wish I didn't have to go; you don't know how much I would love to just stay here with you, but it's only a week. I'll miss you, though."

Will pulled Karen into his arms, just wanting to hold her once more, to feel her breathe in and out against his chest. He didn't want to let her go. He had finally been living; Karen had taken him out of the monotony of his day-to-day, and he didn't want to give that up just yet. But it was only a week. Nothing could change between them in that short of a time period.

"Spend the night with me," he said.

"I have to go," she replied.

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The Next Day

"So, where's Karen?" Grace asked, expecting her to be on Will's arm when he walked into the coffee shop.

"Spain. Something about meeting her husband. I guess Rome got a little too boring for him," he replied.

"Well," Jack said, cutting to the chase, "are you going to dazzle us with tales from the bedroom, or not?"

"Leave him alone!" Grace said. "How did you leave things with her?"

"I sent her a little something," Will replied. "She should be getting it any minute now."

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Barcelona

Karen opened the door to her suite, hoping to rest for awhile. Her flight delayed, and the plane ride over very exhausting, she was looking forward to relaxing in her room. Her bags dropped from her hands as soon as she walked in.

The room was filled with roses. On the dresser was a note: They told me there weren't enough roses in Barcelona; I had to fly some in from the Canary Islands.

She thought back to their first encounter on the streets, at his desperate attempts to get her to dinner. What if I was the kind of guy who, on a whim, just decided to fill your room with one thousand roses? She never once considered the fact that he would actually do this for her. Her hands fumbling for the phone, she dialed his number, getting his answering machine.

"So, next you're going to tell me that you'll fly over here, see me smile, and then leave, right?" she joked, thinking back on everything he said that day. "You are absolutely insane! God, I wish you were here to see this; there are so many roses here. This is perfect. Listen, call me back, you know where I am. But I'm going to be leaving for Madrid in the morning, so if I don't hear back from you, I'll call you."

She hung up, hoping that he would call back soon.

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Will

_I've saved your message, not for what you said, but for the sound of your voice. I can't start my day without hearing you speak, knowing that you're there for me._

_I can't wait until you come back. I hope you're there when I call; I want to be able to imagine you right by my side while you're talking to me. _

_I need you to come back._

_I'm counting down the days._


	13. Chapter 13

**Barcelona**

She heard a knock on the door. She tried to figure out who would know that she was in Barcelona. Then she realized it.

What if I was the kind of guy who would travel to all parts of the world—it wouldn't matter where; Paris, Rome, Australia—just to see you smile? I would fly in, come see you, wait until you smile, and then leave.

Will couldn't have been serious. But at the same time, Karen ran to the door, hoping that he was. When she opened it, she was unable to speak for a moment.

"Karen."

"Stan?" He walked in, leaving Karen at the doorway, unable to find the strength to move. "I thought you weren't going to be here until later tonight." She slowly walked over to him. "I missed you," she said, flinching a little when she spoke. Words meant for Will, and she was giving them away to Stan.

"I heard that I sent you one thousand roses." She couldn't believe he just said that. When did he get to the point where, instead of doing these romantic gestures himself, he got someone else to do them and was unable to remember if he actually gave them the go-ahead? "Did I?"

"I wish it was you." That was a lie.

"So, that's why you're not happy I'm here."

"No, I'm happy you're here, Stanley, I truly am." That wasn't convincing enough, she knew it. Soon, it became another argument about their intimacy. She couldn't take much more of this.

"Why won't you make love with me anymore?" he asked. "Are you seeing someone else?"

"Are you?" she shot back. He was silent. "Stan…are you seeing someone else?"

"You keep telling me how you love me, how you want to start a family, but you will never make love with me. I'm sorry."

That was all the response she needed. "When? Anyone I know?"

"Maybe a year ago, it started. No, you don't know them. Look, I don't need you as a friend, I need you as my lover."

"You are such a liar!" she screamed. "All I ever was to you was an accessory! You never cared about me! Why do we always have to go to the most expensive places in the city, in the world? Why do we have to go to great lengths to prove that you're better than everyone? Why can't we just…I don't know, order Chinese, sit on the floor and just talk?"

"What are you talking about? 'Order Chinese, sit on the floor and just talk'? What's gotten into you?"

"I am just so tired of everything, Stanley. I can't take it."

"Why don't we get away for awhile, just the two of us?"

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Well, then what do you want?"

"I don't know…I just don't know anymore."

"I may come off as the kind of person that only cares about material possessions, and it may be true for the most part. But you are wrong when you say you are just an accessory. I love you, you're my wife." He got up to leave. "Let me know when you figure out exactly what it is you want."

He left, closing the door behind him.

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Karen

_I already know what I want._

_Will._


	14. Chapter 14

**New York City**

Stan asked her to Madrid; she just couldn't do it. All she wanted to do was run into Will's arms, a place she knew she would be safe, protected, loved. But he would not answer his phone. She had left messages last night and started to get worried. This morning, as soon as she woke up, she dialed the numbers that had become so familiar over the course of a few weeks. The answering machine, again.

"Will? Come on, wake up, it's Karen. I miss you, I'm back in the city, come over."

A knock on the door, followed by a strange voice. "Delivery for Karen Walker."

She walked to the door as she finished her message. "I need to see you; just come over whenever, I'll be here." She hung up and opened the door.

Immediately, she found herself in Will's arms.

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Later That Night

"I can't believe you tricked me," she laughed, looking into his eyes from across their table at the restaurant. Tonight, he had taken her to a place Stan would have, and she had to admit that although she loved the cheap sandwich shops and Chinese takeout, she missed these extravagant meals.

"Hey, it surprised you, didn't it?" he replied. "I did not like being away from you at all. What made you come home early?"

"I couldn't stand to be without you for another second." While this was true, she didn't have the intention of telling him what happened with Stan. There was no point in giving Will another reason to hate him.

Just then, Will got up from his chair and took Karen by her hand. "May I have this dance?" he asked. She wrapped her arms around him as she stood up, and felt him sway with her. She looked at him. "What?" he asked with a smile.

"Can I have a little kiss?" she asked sheepishly, like a child. He brushed his lips slightly against her cheek. With a laugh, she said, "Bigger than that."

"Oh, so like a medium kiss?"

"Yeah."

He took her face in his hands, like he had the night at the coffee shop, when he was trying to get her to stay with him. He pressed his lips against hers in a kiss that ripped through her, that made her weak at the knees.

"If that was a medium kiss," she whispered as they pulled away. "I am so screwed." He laughed and pulled her closer, wanting to freeze time, so they could spend eternity in each other's arms.

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Will

_Why have I never told you I love you? I know it's obvious; I know you can tell in my actions, my words, but I would give everything to be able to just say it to you. I love you._

_It feels so good to have you in my arms once again. While you were away, I felt like I wasn't able to live, because I didn't have your touch, and for awhile I was convinced that you would never come back. I was convinced that, once you reunited with your husband, you would forget about me, about the nights we've shared, the things we've said to each other. I was convinced that you would go on with your life as if nothing happened, as if we never had that chance encounter on the street, as if you never picked up my wallet that day._

_I should never have doubted you._

_When Stan comes back, will we continue to have nights like this, where I hold you in my arms and kiss when you ask? I don't think I could be your friend if you decide to end things. I've seen you in such a different light now, and I know I could never forget about our affair._

_I hope I never see the day when you tell me goodbye._


	15. Chapter 15

**The Next Night**

Karen wanted to eat out tonight, and was overjoyed when their cab stopped at the curb of a place she frequented with Stan. She was the one to suggest it, and although Will seemed not to mind, she couldn't help thinking he would rather be anywhere but here. They walked up to the host, a man who was friends with Karen.

"Hey, Derek," she greeted. "Do you have a table?" Will got a look on his face.

"Of course I have one for you," he replied.

"Your wife's name is Bette?" Will asked. Derek nodded. "I think I went to college with her."

"So you're a writer too?"

"No, I'm actually a lawyer. Tell her I said 'hi,' will you? I'm Will Truman."

Karen was unable to put thoughts together. So, you're a writer too? When she finally got the strength to speak, she whispered, "Can we go someplace else?" She led him out the door, hailed a taxi, and waited until he shut the car door to speak to him.

"So, why did you want to leave?" he asked.

"Are you kidding me? You hate places like that," she replied. "You hate every place I like. You know, there are times when I don't want to eat Chinese takeout on your floor. I want to go somewhere upscale, somewhere that I'm used to going, and you'll never go anyplace like that."

"What are you talking about? I love your suggestions. I was perfectly fine with eating back there."

"Why didn't you tell me you were a writer?" she asked, cutting to the chase.

"I'm not a writer."

"Well, then what was that with Derek back there?"

"I went to school with Bette. I had heard they had a restaurant, I just wanted to say hi, that's it."

"I hate being lied to, Will!"

"Wait, is this because I have less money than you? It's finally hit you that I'm not like everyone else you know, and although you were perfectly fine with it up until this point, you simply can't take it anymore?"

"You seriously think I'm that shallow? I don't pick my friends by how much power they have, how wealthy they are. You and I are from two different worlds, Will, and we've been living in yours this whole time. This isn't reality for me. This is not real!"

"What's not real about it, Karen? The glow you have every time you look at me? The way you call me as soon as you wake up in the morning because you need to hear my voice? The way you call me every chance you get? That's reality. You just can't deal with it."

"You're right," she said. "I just can't right now."

"You 'can't right now'?"

"No."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

An overwhelming silence took control over the taxi. Will looked at Karen; he could tell she was holding back her tears. He always promised her that he would never be the one to make her cry, and he hated himself for going back on his promise. If there was a time that he should tell her the truth, it had to be now. She had to know, and he hoped she wouldn't think less of him because of it.

He took a deep breath and began to speak.


	16. Chapter 16

"Have you ever heard of a novel called _The Blameless_?" he asked her.

"I may have. It doesn't ring a bell right now, but I may have."

"I wrote it…I had just gotten out of college. It was huge. It made the top of the bestseller lists, and I got to live in your world. I got to live the life where you go to all these extravagant parties, and you pretend like all these powerful people are your friends. I was able to go to Paris, Rome, London, anywhere on a whim. I transformed into another person then. I hated who I was during that time. So, I went back to school to be a lawyer, and I haven't written anything since. Well, except for your poetry." He waited for Karen to speak.

"So, you're saying you're a lawyer with a brand new practice, with a million or so in the bank?" she asked.

"It's not a million, but if something were to go wrong with my practice, I wouldn't necessarily be begging for food." He looked into her eyes. "Now that I've told you this," he said, "do I look any different to you? Are our worlds not so different now that you're aware that I know the best restaurants in Paris?"

"I knew it," she whispered. "I knew you were lying to me, Will. I knew this was too good to be true."

"I couldn't stay true to myself back then, but if I learn how to do that, I will start writing again. Until then, I'm a lawyer, and I haven't lied to you."

"Yes, you have!" Karen yelled at him. "I have been nobody but myself with you this whole time, Will. I've told you everything; there's nothing left to uncover about me. You have to be one of the most selfish people I've ever met."

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't want you to think of me as selfish or a liar."

"No, I don't mean it. Lapse of judgement on my part."

Silence.

"Okay," Will said moments later, "Where is the most expensive restaurant in New York? The place that's furthest away from Chinese food on my floor?"

"I don't want to go there," she replied. "I want to go home."

Her wish was his command; they rode to Karen's home in silence. They hardly spoke to each other the rest of the night; they weren't sure how to move forward from the previous events, and they didn't want to make the night more of a disaster than they have already created.

They went through the motions of a normal night together. The ordered Chinese and ate it on Karen's floor, sipped their tea, turned on the television.

They tried to act like nothing had happened.

Will left after a few hours, without saying a word.

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Karen

_I feel like I'm losing you. Please tell me I'm not._

_I should never have made a big deal about your novel. If I had known what it would bring us to, I would have dismissed it. I wouldn't have called you selfish; I still don't know why I did that. You're not selfish, Will. You are the most selfless person I know._

_Tell me you're not letting me go, even if it's a lie._

_Just say something._

_This silence is unbearable._

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Will

_I feel like I'm losing you. Please tell me I'm not._

_Tell me you're not letting me go, even if it's a lie._

_Just say something._

_I need to hear your sweet voice just once more._


	17. Chapter 17

**The Next Morning**

"Hi, you've reached Karen and Stan. Leave a message at the tone." She has to be there; he has to make up for what happened last night. He reached her door, but he wasn't sure if she would answer if he knocked. He wondered what would be any different about a phone call, but decided to give it a shot.

"Karen? It's Will, are you there? Come on, pick up. Karen? Are you there?" He hung up and knocked on the door. "Karen?" The door opened to reveal her maid, a woman who introduced herself as Rosario. "I'm looking for Karen, is she here?" he asked her.

"No, sir. Miss Karen's gone. She left with Mister Stan an hour or so ago."

"Well, where did she go?"

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France, nighttime

Karen got out of the limousine with Stan's help and was immediately blinded by the flashing lights of countless cameras. How the people of France knew about them, she will never know. They couldn't even get to the doors of the restaurant they arrived at. But somehow, she noticed a small figure in the distance.

Although he had been to France many times, it had been ten years since Will had roamed the streets. He took random turns, running in any direction, hoping that Rosario hadn't steered him wrong. He put all the trust in the world in a woman he just met, hoping she would lead him to Karen. He spotted the frenzy straight ahead and saw a couple emerging from a black stretch limo. And when he saw Karen, he started running towards her, not caring that she was with Stan. He needed her now.

It took some time before the figure she spotted came into focus. Will. Oh, god, how did he find her?

What if I was the kind of guy who would travel to all parts of the world—it wouldn't matter where; Paris, Rome, Australia—just to see you smile? I would fly in, come see you, wait until you smile, and then leave.

Is this why he flew out here? She couldn't be sure. She wanted to run to him, run towards his arms and the safety she had come to love. But she knew she could no longer be the same person to him as she once was. Karen knew she made herself look like the stereotypical high society woman. How he must hate her. He must have come to tell Stan everything she had been too cowardly to reveal.

But why France? Why now?

She watched him dodge the traffic until he stopped mere feet away from the limousine, the cameras, Karen, Stan. He looked like he wanted to say something, and as much as she wanted to hear his voice again, she couldn't let him do anything to potentially ruin the image she and Stan have created.

Oh, the way he looked at her. Stan may have had a hold on her hand at the moment, but Will was the one who had the hold on her heart.

Will stood at the intersection and watched as the flashes of light from the cameras highlighted Karen for only a second. As the last camera flashed, her mouth silently formed the word he never wanted from her.

"No."

She shook her head slightly and turned away from him, a tear rolling down her cheek, praying Stan had not seen their exchange as he led her into the building.

Will did not move from his place at the intersection until the cameras disappeared and the limo drove off, until any evidence of Karen's presence was completely erased from the scene.

He made one stop before going back to the airport to find the earliest flight back to America.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Karen's hotel

Stan had been fast asleep for at least two hours. She knew he doesn't wake up for anything when he's in this deep of a sleep. Karen got out of bed, not having been able to sleep, and walked to the desk. Someone had left a gift for her, the man at the front desk had said. She saw her name in a familiar handwriting on a letter attached. Untying the ribbon, opening the cheap tissue paper, she revealed a small paperback book.

_The Blameless_ by Will Truman.

She opened up the letter, taking false comfort in the familiarity of his handwriting, and began to read, never expecting what he had to say.


	18. Chapter 18

_Dear Karen,_

_I've wanted to tell you every second I was with you: when you were standing in the living room that last night we had together, after the argument in the cab, the first time we made love and your breath was starting to even out. I wanted to whisper it in your ear when you fell asleep on my chest that night. I wanted to tell you when you walked into the room of roses in Spain, although I know I wasn't there. Every time you looked at me with your beautiful eyes._

_My lips had always wanted to form the words, but somehow they could never be successful, maybe for fear of ruining this dream-like state we have both been in this entire time._

_I could tell you knew how badly I wanted to say it, but you never demanded to hear it out loud. You knew how I felt. You took the words I could never say and kept them in your heart. You felt them swimming inside you constantly: when you were sipping a glass of wine, when you were sprawled out on my couch waiting for me to join you, when you laugh over the smallest thing. When you take a hold of my hand, gentle but powerful. When you say my name, in any situation; in a fit of passion, a fit of anger, when you're just waking up._

_You were right, that night in the cab. I am selfish. I miss so much, and I wish it were all mine. I miss your smile, your kiss, the way you say my name, the light you give to any room when you walk into it._

_The thing I miss most of all is the moment yet to come, when you fall for me without any worry, as I have for you._

_I know that you care about me, and I know how much you would just love to smile at me and say, "Catch me."_

_I would catch you if you were to fall, you know that._

_Had I not known any of this, I could make you out to be the bad guy, and make myself the victim, but I would never do that._

_I know you're never leaving Stan for me, and although I've always wanted you to myself, I would never expect you to leave him for me. If and when you do leave him, it has to be for you. And I know that you wouldn't fly to all places of the world just to see me smile, although I would love nothing more. It may happen some day, but I know it won't be today._

_So I'll disappear. I'll leave you to your life, and try to get on with mine. You will be okay, I know you will. And I will try to get my life together in the time I have without you by my side. And after I have everything in order, maybe one day we will cross paths again, and as friends we will be at a small coffee shop in the city, walking the sidewalks leading to my office, catching up, reconnecting._

_And suddenly we will remember the old days, those times we spent together; I'm not sure when we will bring these memories up. It may be while we're taking a sip of coffee, while we're in the middle of a conversation that has no real meaning behind it, while you're laughing at something I had said._

_And that is when we will both realize: today is the day. We'll stop what we're doing and hop into the first cab we find. You'll tell me to stay there; you want to do this alone, and it will only take a minute. You can return for your things later, when you know he won't be there and you won't run the risk of running into him. While I wait for you in the cab, I worry that this is all a dream, that you'll never emerge from your home, that you'll never spend any more of your days with me. But then I'll hear the car door open, feel you take your seat next to me._

_You'll take my face in your hands, just like I did the night I was so desperate for you to stay, the night at the coffee shop._

_You'll kiss me._

_And when you pull away, you'll whisper._

_"Catch me."_

_And that is when I'll finally be able to say it. I love you. I love you. Oh, god, how I love you._

_Until then, I'll be waiting for the day, however impatient I may be, when you come back into my life._

_And say "Catch me, Will."_

_And fall._

_Will_

Karen clutched the letter to her chest and wept, Stan still asleep mere feet from where she was sitting, tears staining Will's last words to her. She found it hard to catch her breath, but when she found the strength to move her lips, she silently spoke in between sobs.

"Catch me, Will."


	19. Chapter 19

**September 1998, One Year Later**

Will

_I have a hard time getting up in the morning. Just the sight of my life was enough to hit the snooze button on the alarm clock enough times to make the new time to get up somewhere around 3:00 PM. I get dressed in a suit that's too tight, ride to work in a cab that has a distinct smell I can't quite figure out, walk into my office, not without being greeted by my secretary, who won't talk to me unless absolutely necessary. I do nothing but play Solitaire on the computer and do paper work for most of the time, unless I'm involved in a case, and won't leave until I take a lunch break or it's finally the end of this monotonous work day._

_There was a time when I was happy, don't get me wrong. It almost seems like a dream now; it's hard to believe that that was actually my life at one point. Just like I was unable to believe my life as a best-selling author. There's a difference between the two, though._

_I knew who I was last year. I didn't recognize myself eleven years ago, when I wrote that novel._

_I knew who I was last year, and I know who I am now. The difference is that my life actually had a purpose._

_She was everything to me._

_She still is._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Karen

_I still have his letter, the one he gave me a year ago, the one that said everything he couldn't. I always keep it with me, in the pocket of my jacket, in the dark abyss of my purse. My tears have since erased some of the words he wrote to me, but I've memorized each sentence. I just hate the fact that I washed away the one sentence I wanted to keep._

_I love you._

_I roam the streets every day looking for him, but I'm never successful in finding him. I look in crowds, determined to spot that familiar face, but he's never there._

_I hope one day I can turn that around._

_I don't even know if he still thinks about me, as I think about him. I have since left Stan; before I met Will I was nothing but devoted to him, but when Will came into my life, I knew that I could no longer let Stan believe that I was actually happy with him._

_I left him for me, just like Will had said._

_Since then, I have been waiting for the day that he catches me._

_I hope it's soon._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So, what are you doing now?" he asked over the phone. Grace loved having him on speakerphone; his voice filled the room, and she never felt alone.

"God, I can't find anything around here anymore!" she exclaimed.

"Where's your new assistant? Shouldn't she be doing this for you?"

"She's not here."

"Grace, that's the third time this week. Fire the woman, already."

"I can't do that. Look, I'm not saying she's competent, but in all honesty, she was the only one to apply for this job. I need her."

"I'm sorry I'm late," a new voice entered the conversation. Will couldn't speak. That voice, it sounded so familiar, until he finally realized.

"Oh, my god," he said and hung up.

"Hey," Grace yelled into the phone. "Are you there? Hello?" She sighed and hung up.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Will

_This is it. Today's the day._

_I know it is._

_It has to be._


	20. Chapter 20

Karen took Will's letter out of her purse as soon as Grace left to get lunch and read through it once more, knowing the parts ruined by her tears by heart. This little sheet of paper weathered so much since she received it. Stan almost tore it up when he saw it, but she was able to get it out of his hands, before she told him everything: she met someone the day before Stan was to go to Rome. It blossomed into an affair. She needs to find him, and she can't keep living a life where she's miserable every day.

She found an apartment that reminded her of Will's; it looked like it had the same hardwood floors they used to eat Chinese food on. Every now and then she orders takeout and sits with her back against the couch, watching television in the dark.

It's not the same.

Now she reads Will's letter, as if it would make up for him not being with her.

I would catch you if you were to fall, you know that.

She wanted to believe that so much.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun blinded him as he tried to hail a cab. It took him a second to realize one had actually stopped for him. He got in and allowed this stranger to have his future in their hands. Karen could be out to lunch; she could have left as soon as she heard his voice on speakerphone. He had no idea what she thought of him now, and if she no longer desired to be in his arms, he would understand. It would be what he deserved for leaving her in France, for doing it in a letter instead of in person.

It would be what he deserved for letting her go.

He had to try; he had to find out where her heart is now. He knew he would hate himself for the rest of his life if he didn't try, just has he hated himself for leaving her last year.

The cab slowed to a stop at the curb of Grace Adler Designs. How could Grace not notice who Karen was? They still talk about her; he gives Grace all the details of their past relationship, something he hadn't done while he was with Karen. They talk about where she is now, what she's doing. They knew she left Stan; it was very public, and now Stan is having a hard time bouncing back.

Grace knew everything about her, just like he did. How could she not realize that this was the one he was in love with?

He got out of the cab, blindly handing the driver the cash. He ran into the building, hoping, praying, doing everything in his power to have Karen in that room when he enters.

He hoped that she could still fall.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She heard the door open, and immediately assumed it was Grace. Usually, she would make a move to hide the letter from her sight; Grace may not remember her but she sure as hell remembered Grace, and she didn't want any personal matters screwing up her income. As soon as she folded the piece of paper back up, she heard a familiar voice.

"Did you save the novel too?"

She looked up to find Will; he looked exactly like he had that last night they spent together. Keeping her eyes on him, she opened her desk drawer and picked up her worn copy of _The Blameless_. "I loved it," she said softly. "I loved how you…"

"Karen," Will interrupted. He knelt down to her level and gently brushed her hair away from her face. To his surprise, she didn't move away from his touch, and this gave him hope. Maybe her love for him didn't disappear completely. Maybe they could rediscover some common ground.

"Will," she whispered. It felt so good to hear the spin she puts on his name when she says it; it felt so good to have her lips form the one word she could not get out of her head.

He couldn't help himself; if she pulled away, he would leave, but he could not see her without doing this, without feeling that familiar, long lost sensation he felt when he pressed his lips against hers. When they pulled away, the moment silently, mutually, decided upon, she smiled and threw herself into his arms.

And when he least expected it, he heard her whisper into his ear.

"Catch me."


End file.
